A Training Plan… for Spectators

11/09/2010  from runnersworld.com by Mark Remy

Raise and lower, and repeat after me: 'Woo! Hoo!... Woo! Hoo!...'

Okay, the New York City Marathon is behind us. Some 45,000 runners finished the race — thanks, no doubt, to months of rigorous training.

Training plans are such an ingrained part of marathon running, most of us barely give them a second thought. We decide to run a marathon; we seek a training plan; we follow the plan, for 14 or 16 or 20 weeks or whatever; we run the marathon. Simple.

But what about the estimated 2 million (give or take) folks who rolled out of bed to watch the marathon in New York on Sunday morning? For that matter, what about any of the gazillion spectators who line the roads to cheer us on during any of the gazillion marathons that take place each year?

Where is their training plan?

This question occurred to me over the weekend, as all those folks lined the streets of New York, hooting and hollering and standing and clapping. Watching them, I thought to myself:

You know what? Those are the real champs. The runners have been training for this day for months now. These poor schmucks on the sidewalks, though… They didn't train one lick. Yet there they stand, shouting and applauding and "raising the roof" for hours on end. They're the ones who are gonna be sore tomorrow. 

Well, spectators, help is here. You never have to go into a race unprepared, ever again.

Below you'll find what I believe to be the first training plan ever devised for marathon spectators. It's a four-week program; feel free to tailor it to suit your needs and level of spectating fitness.

Week 1: Base building. Especially if you're starting from zero — i.e. you haven't done any real spectating since, say, your college years — it's important to start out slow.

MON: 15 minutes standing around
TUE: 5 mins standing around; 5 mins clapping; 5 mins standing around
WED: rest
THU: posterboard sign drills — lift and lower a handmade sign 50 times; warm up and cool down with 5 mins easy cheering
FRI: rest
SAT: 15 mins standing around
SUN: 30 mins spectating fartlek — freestyle blend of standing around, cheering, clapping, and/or raising arms, as you feel

Week 2: This week we'll add some "quality" workouts to the mix.

MON: 20 mins standing around; optional: sip coffee for duration
TUE: rest
WED: cowbell repeats — ring a cowbell for 90 seconds, recover with 30 seconds easy "woo-hoo-ing" repeat 8 times ; warm up and cool down with 5 mins easy cheering
THU: 20 mins standing around
FRI: street-crossing sprints — stand around for 5 mins on sidewalk; wait for break in traffic; sprint across to opposite sidewalk; repeat 10 times
SAT: rest
SUN: 45 mins standing around with sign

Week 3: Time spent cheering and standing around will peak this week.

MON: rest
TUE: 30 mins standing around with sign, plus intervals of screaming (e.g., "Go!", "Looking good!", "Woo hoo!"), 10 x 30 seconds
WED: 12 cowbell repeats (see Week 2)
THU: rest
FRI: 40 mins standing around with sign
SAT: 15 mins easy cheering
SUN: 60 mins standing around, interspersed with cheering and sign holding

Week 4: It's taper time. This week you'll drastically cut the quantity of your cheering and standing around, while maintaining quality. Remember to get lots of rest, and drink plenty of fluids. The day before your event, sip hot water with lemon and honey to really prepare those vocal cords.

MON: 15 mins easy standing around
TUE: street-crossing sprints (see Week 2)
WED: rest
THU: 20 mins standing around
FRI: rest
SAT: 10 mins very easy standing around
SUN: Race day — stand up and cheer!

Stuff No One Told Me (but I learned anyway)

I found a great blog... Stuff No One Told Me (but I learned anyway)

Triglets, Part 1

Joanna Zieger's blog, Fast at Fourty, is always entertaining. Here is her latest post...

Do you remember Sniglets? They are words that don’t appear in the dictionary but should. Sniglets originated in the 80’s with the HBO series Not Necessarily the News. Triathlon has its own vernacular with words like “bricks” and “bonking” being tossed around, Triglets. I have come up with some of my own Triglets.

Aquarash – The strange burn that appears on the neck after a wetsuit swim.

Bodyslam – The full body muscle soreness the day after a race.

Bottle Shock – When you reach behind to grab a bottle from your back cage and it is gone. You realize it probably popped out 3 miles back when you rode over the nasty train tracks.

Cycleroma – The smell of a room after an indoor bike workout. The smell is exponential to the number of people in the room.

Fungoo – The residue on your bike frame from gels and drinks

Gasplorch – What to say to the race official (in lieu of the regular expletives) who pulled you over for littering when your bottle escaped on those train tracks.

Ill Suiter— An individual who wears their wetsuit backwards or inside out (yes, I have seen both).

Invisibuoy – The disappearance of the huge orange or yellow buoy on the swim if it is rough or if the sun is in your eyes.

Overage – Adding a few miles to your run or bike ride beyond what you had planned on your schedule.

Overstride – What happens when you are fading during a race and then drink a cup of cola.

Runnerstummy – GI distress that occurs during long runs, speed sessions or races that forces you to stop.

Spreader – An individual who takes up too much space in transition and encroaches on your area.

Tridew – The clammy, awful state that your gear is in when you have to pack it wet after a race.

Yo-yoer – A person who passes and drops back and repasses and drops back and passes again during training or a race.

Quote for the Day

"The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there." Betty Grable

Poo Chi

One more You Tube gem...

Funny Ad

Ha, ha, ha, this is me and my friend Heather. Well, she is really the evil one. Sorry, I'm on a You Tube kick!

Clif Bar Commercial - Triathlon Start

This makes me laugh every time!

Performance

Spa Day

The Key to Athletic Success is Sandbagging

This was e-mailed to me by my friend Carrie. ha! ha! We all know women like this, and then it makes us (or at least me) mad when they kick my butt!

Sand what?
Sandbagging is the art of sabotaging your opponent or training partner (and, really, is there a difference?) with mind games. You downplay your fitness. You plant seeds of doubt with an innocent remark about her aging sports equipment or his unusually pale complexion. You drastically underestimate the distance, terrain, or pace of the day's workout. You use every dirty trick in the book to win, just like in real life!

How can you become a champion sandbagger-or just learn to recognize one?
Simply study our handy Sandbagger's Translation Guide. Soon you too will be crushing your ex-friends' egos.

Sandbagger Translation Guide

Sandbagger says: "Take it easy on me, OK? I'm really out of shape."
Really means: "I've been working out 25 hours a week for the past 3 months with my personal trainer, Sven, the Olympic decathlete. You are toast."

Sandbagger says: "Whoa! When did you get so buff? Looks like I'm in trouble today."
Really means: "How ya doin', french-fry boy? Wait till I remove these baggy sweats and reveal my 3 percent body fat."

Sandbagger says: "You'll love this route. It's pretty flat."
Really means: "There's 21,000 feet of elevation gain. Good thing I've been sleeping in my portable altitude-simulation tent. I've got more red blood cells than Dracula at a hemophiliac slumber party."

Sandbagger says: "I think it's great that you still use that classic (insert name of running shoe, bike, ski, ice axe, etc.). I don't care what those morons at the Consumer Product Safety Commission say-the old gear still rules!"
Really means: "My brand-new, carbon-fiber, Micro-Cushion, Anti-Swerve gizmo costs 10 times more than your year-old version, but they both perform about the same-except that now you're too busy imagining your hospital bill to keep up with me."

Sandbagger says: "Hope I don't slow you down too much today. I think I'm getting a cold."
Really means: "Every day I ingest $100 worth of vitamins, seaweed extract, and powdered rhinoceros horn. I eat only organic foods grown by aging hippies in Oregon. I go to bed at 8 p.m. and get up at 6 a.m. There are more germs on Martha Stewart's toothbrush than in my entire body. You're the one who's gonna be sick."

Sandbagger says: "You'll like working out with our bunch. We just like to have fun."
Really means: "We make Game 7 of the World Series look like a quilting bee."

Sandbagger says: "'Fraid I'm not going be much competition for you. My trick knee's acting up again."
Really means: "I make weekly visits to my massage therapist, my acupuncturist, my chiropractor, my yoga instructor, and my Rolfer. My worst injury this decade was a hangnail. I'm the injurer; you, pal, are the injuree."

sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar

Dating a Triathlete

Someone sent this to me a long time ago, and I think it's hysterical!

"I am an outdoors type of person."
Really means: I train in any type of weather. If its raining, snowing, 90 degrees w/100% humidity, or winds gusting at 30 mph. I don't want to hear any complaints because I will still train in it and you're just a big wuss for complaining about it.

"I enjoy riding my bike."
Really means: with or w/o aero bars, alone or in a peloton, I don't care. If you can't do a spur of the moment 30 miler then you're not my type. I will let you draft, but if you can't hang and I drop you - I will see you later. I am a capable mechanic, but don't expect me to change your flats or tune your bike. You need to learn that on your own.

"I enjoy jogging."
Really means: Lets run hills until we puke. I have just as many shoes as you only mine are better because they are functional and all look the same.

"I enjoy dining out."
Really means: I enjoy eating out, in or anywhere else I can find food. Don't be shy because with the amount of food I eat, you can have that main entree instead of a salad and you will still look as though you eat like a rabbit in comparison. Don't get your limbs too close though as I may take a bite out of you. Most importantly don't expect any taste off my plate unless you can bring something to the party like more food. Eventually though if your not burning 4,000+ calories a day your going to plump up and have a terrible complex due to watching me eat deserts and not gain any weight. Friends and family will eventually decide not to dine with us anymore due to my horrid table manners. Oh, and don't ask me any questions during breakfast, Mid Morning Lunch, Lunch, Afternoon lunch, Dinner or Recovery Dinner as it does not lend to efficient food intake.

"I enjoy quiet walks on the beach."
Really means: Walks on the beach warming up into an 8 mile run and then plunging myself in the ocean for a 2 miler. If you get in my way you're going to find out what mass start is and let me assure you that you don't want to find out.

"I find fulfillment in charitable work."
Really means: If I am not racing, I am volunteering and I expect you to be there along side me as I stand out in 90 degree weather for 8 hours handing out sports drinkto cyclists going 20 mph. Just stick the ol' arm out there and hope it doesn't get taken off.

"I enjoy sharing quiet moments together."
Really means: It's taper time. Just back off because I am strategizing and in a pissy mood because I am worried about my "A" race and can't workout.

"I am an active person."
Really means: Aside from my 40 hour job, and the 8 mandatory hours of sleep a night. 10 hours a week are devoted to me during the off-season and 20 during race season leaving us 4 hours. 2 of which are spent inhaling food and you not talking to me, so lets make the best of the 2 hours we will spend together on average each day. If you are a licensed massage therapist or doctor this would make the most optimal use of our time together. Nutritionist is also acceptable, but I probably already know just as much as you.

"I enjoy road trips and leisurely drives."
Really means: You have your choice of Wisconsin, Idaho, Florida, California, Arizona, and New York, but don't expect to do much site seeing. If I get enough support from you we might be able to include Hawaii in there.

"I enjoy site seeing."
Really means: Lets grab a mountain bike and get our HR's up to 90%. There's plenty of time to look around on the descent as trees and bushes whiz by you at 40 mph.

"I like stimulating conversation."
Really means: while we are running, we can talk about food. Then we can talk about how we decided what to wear on this run based on the temperature at start time versus the temperature at the time we expect to finish, how horribly out of shape we are, how many miles we did last week, and how many we will do this week and next week. Then we can talk about food.

"I enjoy relaxing soaks in the tub."
Really Means: I'm going to stop on the way home and buy two bags of ice, throw them in the tub with some water, and sit in this torture chamber for 30 minutes.

"I'm interested in photography"
Really Means: My camera is permanently perched a tripod in front of my trainer. I obsess over taking photos of my bike position and analyzing them to get the perfect setup.

"I'm into in technology"
Really Means: My HRM and power tap are my best friends. Until you can give me some hard data that can improve my training, don't bother trying to buddy up to me. You could one day break into the top three if I find you as entertaining on long runs and rides as my mp3 player.

How Miss Piggy Stays Fit

jFrom MissPiggyFans.com

How Miss Piggy Stays in Shape

The object of exercise is to achieve your beauty aspirations without perspiration.

Exercise caution.

Every young lady should include a regular (TV) sports program in her schedule.

I find that a vigorous round of shopping (at least one store an hour) is both stimulating and refreshing.

Her secret is a simple series of aerobique movements. We exercise all the time. We run when we are late for lunch date. We stretch when we hail a taxi. We twist when we wave our hand to a friend. We bend if we must examine someone's diamond ring. All other exercise methods require you to perform difficult movements which are unnatural and which you will never use in daily life. Is you mail opened behind your back? Do you lift your leg or twiddle all your toes to call a waiter? Do you use your knees to turn on a light?

How Miss Piggy Stays Trim

Moi does not recommend dieting. The only way you can lose weight is the same way you lose anything - by forgetting where you put it.

The way to a man's heart is through your stomach.

A very common oversight in most weight-limitation programs is to pay excessive attention to the calories you consume rather than to the enormous numbers of calories you routinely avoid.

You can eliminate a lot of calories by entirely cutting out things you hate.

Eat what you want, exercise your prerogative, and find a good plastic surgeon who gives frequent-flyer miles.

If it were only that easy